The Giver.

Don’t accept the Truth just because it is coming from someone you respect.

On the meaning and use of “words”

Words can have a lot of implications.  We can read into them, misinterpret them, take them for granted, misunderstand them.  That whole sentence might just be many ways of saying the same thing: that unless you are actively listening and engaged with the person or people you are trying to talk to, there is no dialogue; no discussion by which to learn.  It’s like going to church and listening to the homily and the readings.  We are supposed to take meaning away from these, however what meaning needs to be explained sometimes.

This isn’t about religion though.  It’s about everyday ordinary communication; well, almost.

Words are like swords, or perhaps lightsabers.  The best example of this comes from a debate with someone who knows how to detach themselves from their argument (and their own opinions and values, morals and ethics).  I don’t think I would ever want to debate with a humanities professor, because the vague impression I get is that every humanities professor thinks they are right, and they have the “logic” to back up their claims.  This is the “comparable to religion” ideology in that you are to abide by a set of codes in return for God’s kindness and hopefully a good judgement when that time comes.  Enter “free will” stage left.  On the other side is science, which at least, the Catholic church respects.  However, if you look strong and hard, you start to find people like Robert Sapolsky (look him up on YouTube) who believe that we are subject to fate as dictated by our biology.  There’s two sides to a coin.  This is a tangent.

Getting back on the subject of words, I mentioned detachment.  This is a trait that supposedly “INTPs” show a lot of.  I myself am INTP, according not only to various online tests, but also an official Myers-Briggs test before starting college.  It’s also not ironic that most of my online friends who are also INTP/INTJ have become mentally ill in some fashion as these types usually develop some form of mental illness.  Let’s not get into that.

The point I am trying to make, is that in an argument/debate with a detached person (who is perfectly rational and capable of reason, in case I need to point that out), can craft words mindfully to make arguments that don’t necessarily reflect upon the views of the individual (or group) you/they are arguing with.

Jumping backwards to the biology tangent I was making.  There are a few very interesting things to point out about our evolutionary ancestors and especially about human beings.  The first being that, female apes can “spoof” being in heat to attract males; but why?  Humans take it one step further, actually having non-reproductive sex, usually aided with birth control pills or other contraceptives, purely for the satisfaction of having sex.  So what does this have to do with arguments?  Here’s the analogy: Human beings are capable of lying.

Now you get some really interesting twisted mashups.  Just watch the news about the upcoming presidential race.  Unethical, biased statistics or just plain incomplete data sets when reporting those “statistics”.  It really is fake news!  All crafted, carefully, to woo you over.

So, the next time someone pushes your buttons, realize just how easy it is to craft an argument that has nothing to do with yourself and what you really believe.  Just be a contrarian.  Don’t do this to your boss though, bad idea.


My blog is broken.  WordPress updated and now my theme won’t load images properly.

Somehow it seems my previous post has some 500+ views…  Not sure why or how, but ok.

Now I forgot what I was going to write about…

Anyway, I added some new pictures to my Flickr account.  I built a “Windows Storage Space” with 3 8TB drives and 2 240GB SSDs.  I bought the SSDs on Amazon for $27 each, and not only that, but they were in my hands about 4 hours later.  In ReFS, SSDs are used as cache drives.  The 3 hard disks are setup in a parity array (a fancy name for RAID 5).  Now I have a safe space to pull all of this extra data out of DropBox.  There’s 550GB of photos there, which was a tremendous find.

Classes start one week from tomorrow.  I’ve decided to take 1 class and research again.  This time I’ll be repeating BIO1, which will be online, but this time it will have proctored exams using a webcam, and using a lockdown browser to prevent cheating.  Class will be live streamed, unlike last semester in which the content was pre-recorded.  My goal hasn’t changed, I will just go slower until I find a way to handle things better.

Oh, I remembered one post I have been meaning to put here.  I wonder if I can sticky posts, because this one needs to go at the top.

Crash and burn

It’s been an interesting year and although I’ve returned to a familiar place, things have changed, but with those changes come people who have my best interest in mind.

There is always something new to learn, something new to do, something to try.

I had dramatic expectations of myself this year, but the year turned to dust because of Covid.

I spoke with my advisor today about some of my concerns and he suggests just taking things slowly.  So, next semester, I will be doing research and Bio 1.  I like Bio more than chem, so I’ll leave that for later.  Seems like chemistry is just a bunch of twisted up math; reminds me of Differential Equations.  At the end of the day, if you don’t know how to solve the problem, you’re screwed.  I had every type of problem on my formula sheet, but nothing to guide me as to which method to use when.  Such a simple mistake, but there is never enough time to prepare.

I have this paranoia about me that somehow people think I’m not disabled.  Funny how none of these people even have a clue as to who I am.

Protip: If you’re going to throw the words “Baker Act” at someone (as if in a threatening manner), the only person who is going to wind up in the hospital is you.  It’s like yelling “Fire!” in a movie theater or something.  You just don’t do it.

Of all the times I’ve been Baker Acted, every time it’s been because of ME.  There are a lot of ways to get Backer Acted if you know what buttons to push.  Just don’t start off by giving yourself Plantar Fasciitis, because the cement floor is harder than your foot.

My mental illness is every bit as real as Covid.  It has altered my life.  It is not “getting better”, but it is becoming “more noticeable”.  As it does so, I can finally apply the coping skills I’ve learned over the years and try and move forward.  Even those who don’t have a mental illness have coping skills for the situations they face in life.  It’s no different.  You are not any different from me, I am not any different from you.  On the other hand, there are real, tangible changes in the brain that signal certain mental illnesses.  That is why these illnesses are not just mental illnesses, but biological ones.  When you alter the chemicals in the brain, you can alter a persons perceptions of the world, for example, by changing their mood.  These changes can be extremely subtle, but visible to trained professionals, especially if you seek medical treatment with a stable provider over a long course of time.

Denying someone’s mental illness is extremely naive and ignorant, and potentially abusive and reckless.

How would you feel if someone asked you how you were and you responded “I’m doing great!” and they responded “You’re full of crap”, because that’s essentially what you’re doing.  You cannot deny someone the human experience.  You can deny that the human experience makes the world “a horrible place.”  Just don’t tell a depressed person to get over themselves.


Plans are going into effect to form a new IRC network which will be called “”.  There will be 3 servers in 3 locations: Luxembourg, Las Vegas, and New York.

Still trying to work out a vision for the network, however I intend a very loose rule set.  Tor connections will be allowed, SSL will be enabled, there will be no explicit scanning for open proxies.  Privacy will be above all else, while maintaining security of the network and ensuring appropriate, respectful interaction between all parties connected to any part of the Speakeasyhub system.

The network will ideally be self policing.  I think the concept of operator and user is a bit antiquated.  ChanOps can be abusive and sometimes there is little recourse.  A full plan of how the network will run will be documented over the next few weeks and the servers will be brought online.

Well, the world is coming to an end.  I woke up at 3:30 am, that is how I know.  My sleep schedule is so jaunted now I can pretty much control it to a T.

I’ve been going to therapy and I really like my therapist.  She is the most practical therapist I have had so far and that is really good.

It’s interesting how I’ve gone from barely noticing my moods, to now full blast.  In the matter of a week I’ve swung from depression to now manic.  That comes with its own set of trials and tribulations.  Might just be the result of taking the prozac and not quite being stable on it.

In other news, the semester is now over (yay), and so I am going to sit here and prepare for this paper we are publishing.  One of many, I hope.  It’s been 10 years in the making.  I hope chemistry classes don’t all have insane final exams.  The average was a 75 so I dunno how I scored halfway below that.

My meds are kicking in… it’s getting near nap time.