Crash and burn

It’s been an interesting year and although I’ve returned to a familiar place, things have changed, but with those changes come people who have my best interest in mind.

There is always something new to learn, something new to do, something to try.

I had dramatic expectations of myself this year, but the year turned to dust because of Covid.

I spoke with my advisor today about some of my concerns and he suggests just taking things slowly.  So, next semester, I will be doing research and Bio 1.  I like Bio more than chem, so I’ll leave that for later.  Seems like chemistry is just a bunch of twisted up math; reminds me of Differential Equations.  At the end of the day, if you don’t know how to solve the problem, you’re screwed.  I had every type of problem on my formula sheet, but nothing to guide me as to which method to use when.  Such a simple mistake, but there is never enough time to prepare.

I have this paranoia about me that somehow people think I’m not disabled.  Funny how none of these people even have a clue as to who I am.

Protip: If you’re going to throw the words “Baker Act” at someone (as if in a threatening manner), the only person who is going to wind up in the hospital is you.  It’s like yelling “Fire!” in a movie theater or something.  You just don’t do it.

Of all the times I’ve been Baker Acted, every time it’s been because of ME.  There are a lot of ways to get Backer Acted if you know what buttons to push.  Just don’t start off by giving yourself Plantar Fasciitis, because the cement floor is harder than your foot.

My mental illness is every bit as real as Covid.  It has altered my life.  It is not “getting better”, but it is becoming “more noticeable”.  As it does so, I can finally apply the coping skills I’ve learned over the years and try and move forward.  Even those who don’t have a mental illness have coping skills for the situations they face in life.  It’s no different.  You are not any different from me, I am not any different from you.  On the other hand, there are real, tangible changes in the brain that signal certain mental illnesses.  That is why these illnesses are not just mental illnesses, but biological ones.  When you alter the chemicals in the brain, you can alter a persons perceptions of the world, for example, by changing their mood.  These changes can be extremely subtle, but visible to trained professionals, especially if you seek medical treatment with a stable provider over a long course of time.

Denying someone’s mental illness is extremely naive and ignorant, and potentially abusive and reckless.

How would you feel if someone asked you how you were and you responded “I’m doing great!” and they responded “You’re full of crap”, because that’s essentially what you’re doing.  You cannot deny someone the human experience.  You can deny that the human experience makes the world “a horrible place.”  Just don’t tell a depressed person to get over themselves.

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