Tired… but, on the nature of being RUDE.

Just a bit of background (loosely worded to remove context). I was waiting in a truck for a friend to come back from the store when two guys come up next to me (or at least I thought was two guys). They were apparently renting a trailer, or a truck and a trailer.) Anyway, they come strolling by (I didn’t notice or even see or care about them), and the second guy, who’s severely lacking mental facility, goes “is he masturbating”? Now, I was cleaning my glasses at the time, so, I can see how this might’ve happened. Anyway, he kept on going so much as to call me rude. We were parked in the “Pro” spot (read: not a trailer spot). The other guy just blurted out “If you don’t get in the truck, I’m leaving without you” and that was the end of that. This dude was so serious (about what, I have no clue), that he was going to call the cops over…what? A parking space? I don’t even know if there was a second guy, this is how inane this gets. Most importantly, why in the hell would you call the police because someone parked in a parking space? This is what we’ve come to as a society. I’ll forgo the second example, lest I get my nuts cut off.

Probably the most valuable skill I have, is ignoring things like this in the heat of the moment. That’s not when things affect me. What DOES affect me, is after the fact when my brain starts to blur the image and suddenly the emotions come.

This is a very serious problem, but I’m ultimately quite aware of it and what happens when I am triggered in this way. I have a very serious mental illness. It is not a joke. Some have said, that if I keep getting Baker Acted they’re just going to lock me away (this was not from a doctor or other “reliable” source, fyi). I doubt that would happen very much. However, the thought of becoming psychotically enraged actually really scares me. At that point, it’s not about words anymore, or losing friends, or losing the effort of the last 10 years, or even about getting fired from a job with a half-brained boss. No, I’m not talking about suicide. You just have to “know” to understand, which is half the problem with mental health because 1) there is no consistency in mental healthcare (although, moving every 6 months doesn’t help), and 2) therapy is more important than medication (of which I take a LOT).

Topic one: Does not concern mental illness

They told me if I took classes full time, it would be 2 years to earn my second bachelors before I signed on for graduate school. Not just that, but since we’re approaching finishing this project, I would also be first author on a few papers, and co-author on a few more. As always, hurry up and wait.

It has taken roughly 10 YEARS to get where we are now, working between jobs on this project in the Bio lab. 2 weeks of the 15 week semester are already gone. At this point, I’ve got to polish things up and start data collection since that is how the next module will be tested. As of right now, it should be collecting data. We’re going to [try to] set up Remote Desktop access to the boxes and (if I’m right), we’ll have to figure out how to unblock the firewall preventing me from accessing my PC from home. I dunno what’s so important about blocking RDP, but they’ve locked things down tighter than Fort Knox over here.

Topic two:

I think I can honestly say, if I am well informed enough about a subject (which means most of the time I am not), I could argue about a topic for the rest of my life and never stop going on about it. Of course, that said, part of arguing, or rather, debating, as it might more appropriately be called, requires a lot of effort and insight, but also, it requires a specific skill: LISTENING. I like arguing and debating, I do not like being put on the spot, (or) just having a bunch of opinions dropped on my head and then told to beat it. That’s barely even an attempt at an argument! Arguments (at least in theory) should be based on fact or objective information: high quality information at that (RE: statistics). In the real world, emotions are treated as facts too, so you have to be careful what and how you say things. Other than that, there’s no rules. You CAN say whatever you want, you just have to consider where and how you say it. Like, for example, yelling “FIRE!” in a theater, would generally kill you (not literally, but you’d wind up imprisoned). I think you can see my point.

I’m going to add a clause to this: Racism, hate speech, anything about intolerance just in general, drug talk, covid19 is fake, whatever. Don’t associate with it. Why? I have a relevant example: On my server I have 13 years worth of email, circa 2007ish, with automated backups daily. That’s why. You can bet there is a lot of information out there that gets captured every day and you wouldn’t. even. know it.

Anyway, that was a bit of a tangent. I speak in the context of civil discourse. Anything otherwise would just be verbal abuse, really. If that’s what you want, go listen to a (c)rap album. I think I spent 3 hours writing this post, so, goodnight.

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