Motivation

I just heard a song that I haven’t heard in literally forever. It’s a good thing I have bullet proof headphones or they’d be on fire. My ears are so used to the extreme loudness that I hear buzzing basically all the time. I finally reached critical volume on the subwoofer. It’s weird: Everywhere else in my room, it’s loud, but right where I sit, right in front of the window, there’s a huge null. The low-end subs don’t have any phase adjustment really (just a 0-180 switch), which effectively does nothing. On the other hand, the subwoofer provides what headphones don’t, and that is the feeling of the bass, so, the headphones are like toys, even though the sub cost less than the headphones. The smell of burning voice coil is never unique. Copper and lacquer is pretty much universal. What’s interesting about sound is that the perception of loudness has to do with distortion and the de-sensitization of the ears by louder sounds to less loud sounds. This isn’t unique to human hearing either, RADAR, radio, SONAR, optics, whatever. It all works the same way essentially. They’re all analogous to each other.

I’m missing my own point as usual.

People say not to have an attitude about things. Well, everyone has an attitude about things, it’s just, some have a nice attitude about it. I’d probably guess I come off as cold and distant, and not so nice. My mentor suggests I should be nice, but I also live with someone who has spent his life being nice and has to deal with the reality of his choices because society itself ultimately DOESN’T reward being nice. So does God? (I had to throw that in there).

Wow, I am ALL over the place.

It’s been a ridiculous week. Starting last Thursday night, I couldn’t get any sleep. Then on Friday, I found out what could’ve potentially been a reason: neurotoxic poisoning from Vitamin B complex. My mentor suggested this. I have symptoms of carpal tunnel just like he did. It’s also could be nerve degradation from sitting in front of a computer for the last 9 months. Some people are saying COVID is close to over, but it’s really not, and while drugs and vaccines are out for it, they haven’t been mass accepted yet.

So anyway, uhhhh….

Don’t do drugs kids.

I have an exam on Friday, and two chapters of homework due tomorrow at midnight, and I guess I’ll just play tag with this. My adrenaline rush from the music is long gone. Unfortunately, though, the only way my sleep will get fixed is if I stay up all night. I’m nocturnal from all of this and the situation is dire. I don’t have to take the exam, I can do fine without it, but I don’t see the logic in at least trying to fix things which will also means, I should be able to do well on the exam, especially in lieu of recent discoveries which I’ll talk about later.

Enough procrastination, it’s gonna be a long day.

Edit: Okay, in my head I’m back to a point I made earlier. It was the stuff about attitude. Now, getting back to that. I’m just left wondering. To be specific, rather than general, it’s the disability paperwork that I’m filing, and specifically the “REMARKS” section. I’m going to provide remarks, but I need to leave a personal message with it, rather than just “more facts” about my “situation” and “why I think I deserve my SSDI”, etc. I’m probably going to guess that if I even slip one word, they’d just ignore the whole thing and deny it, so caution is advised, but I want to know: how much can I get away with and make a point to someone that I am not happy, communicate that I don’t think you care or understand (or really want to), and that SSDI is my right just as much as anyone else’s, especially considering how much I have paid into SS taxes over the last 10ish years. Maybe I should just say EXACTLY that. I value honesty, so shovel it out. I can dig it. You won’t hurt my feelings.

This reminds me of a bar fight I saw in Auburn. I was getting pissed off at the fact, that, after these two dudes were told to leave (now keep in mind, everything Auburn is a family establishment, it’s really like that), one dude tried to body slam the other dude through the window. With some beer in me, and not realizing they were MMA fighters, and ignoring the fact that they were huge, I just went up to the window and started flicking ’em off. This guy was laser focused though, I meant nothing to him. They probably just wound up going down the street like a dust cloud in Loony Tunes. I learned a few things that night. Auburn, New York was great, but, I didn’t have a future there.

Okay, I’m done now.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.