Ruminations

I wound up in UBC Christmas week and was discharged Christmas day. It was not a Baker act.

In group, one of the sessions covered the topic of rumination. There are a lot of things that we can do in our daily lives that are not productive, and dwelling on the past is one of them. I will add my pinch of salt to this by saying that, introspection is important to learn and grow, if used properly. However, if we dwell on the past too much, we are putting ourselves in a position where we face a reality which has already passed. That reality has already happened, and, we cannot move forward unless we take from the past what we wish to change about our reality and apply that to what we DO have control over. For the most part, there is very little we can control about the world around us; we have to be very aware of opportunities when they present themselves, because they may be subtle and fleeting. The chance to change your life is right in front of you, where would you like to go?

This is your call for new years resolutions. I didn’t really have a resolution last year, but I had a goal for myself and that was to go back to school. My first semester I overloaded myself and then COVID-19 happened, but I kept going. I’ve managed 2 semesters so far and it’s a real struggle managing that. I’m taking one class and research credits.

Jumping back a bit on my own ruminations over the past 5 years. There’s been a LOT of stuff. I’ve lived in FOUR states, in 5 cities, I’ve had 5 jobs, 3 full time and 2 contracts, I’ve made 6 figures+, declared bankruptcy, been in the hospital countless times, broken my shoulder, had 2 cars, regained and lost my drivers license, got 4 tattoos, generally annoyed and pissed people off, and I’m proud of it. I could keep going, but meh.

So, I think it’s safe to say I’m a bit burned out. Up until last summer, I basically had not lived in the same place for longer than 7-8 months or so, I only lived in Maryland for 2 months! The result of this was that, to declare bankruptcy you have to be a resident of the state you declare bankruptcy in for 6 months minimum, so I was paying the equivalent of a mortgage payment out of my 401k to make credit card payments at least until the money ran out. Drained all my 401ks, a 403(b), what was left of a mutual fund.

I live off of student loans now, there’s nothing left. At UBC someone I was talking to said this was depressing. Thing is, he was homeless. *THAT’S* depressing. I mean, homeless people can live in their cars, yeah, but when you can’t drive…

It’s a holiday today. Stop reading my blog and do something else productive.

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